I went to the AO today and got a good workout in. Then we came home and the kids played outside and Nate and I Skyped.
The kids got Christmas cards from my mom. Kayleigh's is cute and Spencer's had a Cars door hanger! He LOVES it and ran and put it on his door. Now he has a way of showing Kayleigh when she can come in and when she can't. She has a door hanger that she got for her birthday, so now they both have one! YAY!
You asked me a lot today what I was thinking. I didn't answer truthfully when I said nothing really. In all honesty, I was thinking of when I get home. First, when you give me that first BIG hug and kiss. Then when Spencer gives me his BIG hug and kiss. And lastly, and the one that choked me up after I let you go, Kayleigh giving me her BIG hug and kiss. For some reason, the only times I choke up is when I think of her. I can't wait to hold her in my arms again. I know that when I think about it, it's quite unfair to you and Spencer. But every time, when I think of holding her, I start to cry or I tear up and get the snotty nose. For one thing, it's good because I feel stuffed up and it gets all the crap moving out.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing that really got me tonight after letting you go was you opening that gift. It has been so long since I saw that smile on your face. I totally forgot what it looked like. I'm not saying that you don't smile enough; I'm saying it's obvious that I haven't done enough to put that big smile on your face and it really got to me. I am really happy that you love your TT. I loved seeing that big smile on your face. It made me so happy to see it again.
I'm sorry I'm being so emotional right now. I would rather get this out so that you know instead of having you think something is wrong. Nothing is wrong, I just can't wait to come home and hold all of you again and be close to you all. It sounds crazy, but I can't wait to come home and have to discipline the kids. I can't wait to cause distraction and break up fights. I can't wait for all the madness again.
So now you know what was on my mind today. I'm sorry I seemed spacey. My mind has been racing lately. It seems like I can't hold a thought for more than 5 seconds without losing it in all the madness going on in my head. Maybe I just need to cause some distraction in my own life right now to slow all this madness in me down. Nothing crazy like being unfaithful. I have worked too damn hard since I have been here to let anything like that happen in the last few weeks I'm here. I just don't know what I can do. Nothing seems to interest me lately. All I want is to sit on skype with you. Even if we don't talk much, just sitting there being able to look up and see you is enough for me right now.
Well, if you haven't guessed yet, I read your blog. Short, sweet and to the point. I will talk with you in the morning. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!