In the past three months I have watched my children change considerably. Kayleigh has always been dramatic, but it has gotten out of control. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells around her. One little thing will set her off and then she's the worst person in the world. She says she hates herself and hits herself. She has zero impulse control. She just can't stop herself from doing things she knows she is not allowed to do. She doesn't listen. This may all sound typical, but it has gotten progressively worse of the course of the past few months.
Spencer constantly screams at me. Whether it is because he wants me to acknowledge what he is saying or because whatever I am doing is somehow wrong. All he does is yell at me. People who knew the sweet mild mannered little boy before would not believe the holy terror he has turned into. Tonight he kicked me in the stomach because I made him go lay in his bed for a time out because he was rude to Stacey. It just gets worse and worse as each day goes by. I know he needs to nap, but he napped yesterday and was awake playing in his bed until 11:30 last night. He is actually asleep right now because I sent him to his room to think about how he has been treating people and he fell asleep. So God only knows what time he is going to sleep tonight. I just don't know what to do with him.It is one thing to act like that to me and a completely different thing to act like that to another adult. I have always prided myself on having polite, well mannered children. That is always one of the first things people say about Kayleigh and Spencer, how well behaved they are. Now, I don't even know who they are.
My 27 years of life on this planet means nothing to them. At three and six they've got it all figured out.
While I know getting out of Arizona was a necessity for my sanity, I can't help but feel I have let my children down. Knowing that this decision we have made has change so much in their little lives and who they are forever. Quite honestly I just want to go to sleep tonight and wake up next February.
Devi,
ReplyDeleteEven a few years later I beleive that Justin's second afghanistan deployment changed Alexis for ever. It is so hard for a child to adjust to the come and go of military parents. They are changing but not just because Nate is gone but also because thats what happens, kids change at the blink of an eye. This could be a stage that Spencer is going through. I know that this is hard, honestly I think that it is one of the hardest things Ive ever done. There's no magic thing to say nothing will make this easier. Just no that this to will pass and you will be that much stronger and your kids will change and grow for good and bad sometimes but you will always love them and Nate will come home, things will go back to your normal. This is just something you need to make it through not something anyone is asking you to excel at, do the best you can. I'm here and will do whatever I can to help support you and the kids.
Hi Babe,
ReplyDeleteI can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Like Amber said, "maybe this is just a stage he is going through." It doesn't make it okay to kick anyone, but hopefully things will get better. I really wish I could go to sleep and wake up next February as well. For what it's worth; your 27 years mean a lot to me. I see how you have grown into a wonderful YOUNG woman and mother. What you have taught the kids is invaluable. Someday they will look back and say that they are proud of everything you did for them and all the sacrifices you made just for them. Nothing breaks my heart more than our little ones treating you this way. It also hurts knowing that if I had not left this would not be going on. But like you said, it was for your sanity. And let's not forget it was for mine as well. Yes it's tough and I'm not going to pretend like I would do better because we both know I wouldn't be able to. I'm not going to play it down acting like you aren't doing your motherly duties because we both know you are. Please, just hang in there. I hate to see you going through such hard times. I know it sucks and it will probably suck more as time goes by. Obviously we do not have the kids that others have and hopefully when I get home for good this will all change for the best. Just hang in there. It's only a couple more months until you get a well deserved break. I know it won't be long enough, but hopefully it will be enough to last till I do come home for good. I wish I could come through the computer and lay down with you and hold you. I wish I could be there to give you a break. There are so many things I wish I could do for you that I can't name them all. Just know that I Love You! I'm not sure there is much more I can say to keep your head. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!