268/365

Christ, today sucked. I feel like I say that everyday.  But it started out horrible. The dumb dog was whining at 4am.  So I had to get up and let her out.  Then at 430 the neighbor was plowing his driveway with his quad.  Which of course made a ton of noise that the dog barked at.  I couldn't fall back asleep until almost 7.  Then it's time to get up.  I get up and Kayleigh is already up and has be bed made.  Great!  Today won't be too bad, I'll just be a little tired. Nothing some coffee won't fix.  So I go wake up Spencer and he's in a good mood. He goes to the bathroom and I catch him walking out without washing his hands.  Which apparently means I'm a bad mom.  He proceeds to scream at me and tell me that he hates me.  He doesn't have to wash his hands.  He can do whatever he wants.  So I send him back to bed.  Which means I'm the worst mom ever and he doesn't forget to scream that at me along with "I hate you" and "I wish you weren't my mommy".  OK.  So I go downstairs and get Kayleigh going.  Later he comes down and apologizes.  Fine.  But I remind him that he got trick or treating taken away yesterday for acting like that.  And tonight is Tang Soo Do.  If he acts like that again he won't go.  So the day goes on. I have a nervous break down and cry, A LOT.  He hugs me and tells me he has something that will cheer me up even more and gives me a kiss.  He is really sweet for the rest of the day.  Nate has a talk with him.  And it seems like he's getting it.  Until dinner.  The kids were painting before dinner.  I told them dinner will be ready, in 5 minutes you'll have to clean up.  "YES MOMMY".  OK good.  So it's time to clean up, they clean up.  Good.  OK, now it's time to wash your hands.  Well Spencer wants to make a Lego Haunted House.  I tell him that he can make one tomorrow.  We need to get washed up so we can eat and get to Tang Soo Do.  He looks at me and yells, "FINE!"  And stops around the house.  I remind him that he has been getting in trouble for talking to me that way and he needs to try again to speak nicer to me (remember the "re-do's" we used to give Kayleigh and how well that worked?)  Well that results in a screaming fit.  Yes, ultimately over not being able to play with Lego's, but going to do Tang Soo Do instead.  I told him that he can't speak to me like that.  And for doing so he was to go to his room, without dinner, and there would be no Tang Soo Do tonight.  He wouldn't go.  All he would do is stand there and stomp his foot and tell me no.  So I picked him up and carried him upstairs while he grabbed the stair rail and kicked the walls.  I put him in is room and had to hold the door because he kept opening it and running out.  Finally he gave up at the door and started hitting it.  I walked away.  I can not believe the amount of anger that that little boy has.  It really disturbs me.  I don't know why.  I don't know how and I don't know what to do about it.  But for tonight I did what I could.  I took away something he loves and I guess we'll start again tomorrow.  Is it February yet?

Now on to the stupid dog.  God, I hate her.  She goes crazy when I get the kids ready to go outside to get the bus or we get ready to go anywhere.  I know she wants to come.  But she can not come to the bus stop.  She's too out of control and it just makes the whole situation stressful.  That and a little girl in our neighborhood is deathly afraid of dogs (she runs away screaming when she sees Lola when the kids open the door).  Anyway, I had to go out and shovel the sidewalk before we could walk out.  So I set my coffee down.  While I'm shoveling Andrea yells at me to tell me the bus is early!  I of course get inside and hurry to get the rest of the kids gear on.  And we are out the door.  I come back inside not five minutes later and the fucking dog has knocked over my coffee.  The ENTIRE cup is on the carpet. OK, my bad.  Then I come in the house further and I see my entire new tub of butter on the floor empty.  That bitch ate all the butter!  All the fucking butter.  It was on the counter.  Not the edge of the counter, but in the middle.  So she had to have gotten her nasty paws up there pretty far to knock it off the counter then to eat it.  Really these things I can look past, but seriously.  How much do I have to look past.  She doesn't listen.  She whines constantly.  Whether I take her out and run or let her be a lazy turd.  She is so damn crazy.  So I get out the carpet steamer and clean the carpet and sob for 20 minutes.  Then Stacey comes over because we're riding together to the assembly and she asks what's wrong.  I tell her and her response is, "You're almost done.  If you can just hang on until Nate gets back, it will all be ok"  While appreciate that she was trying to make me feel better.  We do have more time behind us than in front of us.  We are getting there.  But the fact is we are not almost done.  If it were January we would be almost done.  But three months is a hell of a long time to deal with out of control kids and a dog by yourself.  Of course, she has no idea.  She says I should just beat the dog.  But that's not the person I want to be.  I don't want to hope she runs in the street and gets hit by a car or hope that she just died of natural causes while we were out.  I don't want to scream at her.  I don't want my kids to see me acting this way.  They do see it.  I don't want them to, but they do.  This is not the person I want to be.   What can I do?

I know I can get rid of her.  I know I can probably find a home for her.  But to what consequence?  I would trade a dog who I can't stand for a daughter who hates me.  She loves Lola so much.  She calls her her sister.  She lays on her and reads.  I know she will act out if I get rid of the dog.  I've been crying all day about it. I am at my wits end, but I have no way out.  At least no good option out.

I've pretty much ignored her for the rest of the day.  If she was in the same room as me I told her to go.  I've had the kids let her in and out and feed her.  Today I just can't deal with her anymore. 

On a good note, Kayleigh had an award assembly today.  She got honor roll!  YAY HER!  I am so proud of her.  She is so smart and she tries really hard to do her best.  She is a fantastic girl.  Here she is standing up there with her award.

And here's another one.  She is so beautiful!

In other Kayleigh related news, she has a REALLY loose tooth.  So loose that I think it will come out in the next few days.  She is so excited about it.  She can't stop giggling.  It's too funny.  Also, when she eats any sticky candy she complains that it hurts her tooth.  I hope it comes out soon!  I'm excited to be able to play tooth fairy.  What do you think is an acceptable amount for first lost tooth?  $5?  I've heard of people giving $20, but I think that's a bit excessive.  I think $5 then $1 for every tooth after.  I'd love to know your opinion.