230/365

This morning sucked big donkey balls.  I got up and got dressed.  And got the kids ready.  We rushed and ate and did everything so we could be out the door AT 8:30.

We get everything done and walk over to Stacey's.  And stand on her doorstep for 5 minutes ringing her doorbell.  No answer.  So I call, twice. No answer.  So I head back home, where I call her some more.  Finally, I gave up.

I can't do this run with the kids.  It sucks. Fifteen minutes later, I get a call.  It's Stacey asking if I'm still bringing the kids over.  I told her no.  I was there at 8:30 like I said I would be and she didn't answer her phone or the door.  It's too late, there is no way I can make it downtown, park and walk to the race start in 15 minutes.  She begs me to try to go.  But I just said goodbye and hung up.

At 10 til 9 I get a knock on my door.  Of course it's her.  She wants me to have her drive me down there and go run.  At this point I am beyond mad!  I don't even want to run anymore.  For me I have to be in a certain mindset to run.  I have to be calm and relaxed.  I need to be "in the zone" I guess.  And especially for a run like this, I definitely need to mentally prepared.  So I guess I can't be mad.  I just have to look at it as I donated $20 to charity.  And I can feel good about that.

I was so disappointed.  And angry.  I guess it goes to show that you really can't depend on people.  I have also come to realize that some people are givers and some are takers.  I am a giver.  I give.  Even if I have nothing, I give.  I think it is getting to be ridiculous.  I obviously am not happy with this.  And it has brought me no good.  I always take Stacey's kids.  Jeremiah accidentally rides the bus home when he's supposed to go to running club and I take him.  She has a dr's appt, I watch her kids.  She needs me to come and help her hang pictures on her wall (even though she has perfectly capable husband at home) and I am over there with my drill and level.  She is sad and negative about Alaska, I take her somewhere and show her something she may like.  To get her out of a funk.  I need ONE thing and she can't do it.  She's a taker.
This morning sucked big donkey balls.  I got up and got dressed.  And got the kids ready.  We rushed and ate and did everything so we could be out the door AT 8:30. 

We get everything done and walk over to Stacey's.  And stand on her doorstep for 5 minutes ringing her doorbell.  No answer.  So I call, twice. No answer.  So I head back home, where I call her some more.  Finally, I gave up. 

I can't do this run with the kids.  It sucks. Fifteen minutes later, I get a call.  It's Stacey asking if I'm still bringing the kids over.  I told her no.  I was there at 8:30 like I said I would be and she didn't answer her phone or the door.  It's too late, there is no way I can make it downtown, park and walk to the race start in 15 minutes.  She begs me to try to go.  But I just said goodbye and hung up.

At 10 til 9 I get a knock on my door.  Of course it's her.  She wants me to have her drive me down there and go run.  At this point I am beyond mad!  I don't even want to run anymore.  For me I have to be in a certain mindset to run.  I have to be calm and relaxed.  I need to be "in the zone" I guess.  And especially for a run like this, I definitely need to mentally prepared.  So I guess I can't be mad.  I just have to look at it as I donated $20 to charity.  And I can feel good about that.


I was so disappointed.  And angry.  I guess it goes to show that you really can't depend on people.  I have also come to realize that some people are givers and some are takers.  I am a giver.  I give.  Even if I have nothing, I give.  I think it is getting to be ridiculous.  I obviously am not happy with this.  And it has brought me no good.  I always take Stacey's kids.  Jeremiah accidentally rides the bus home when he's supposed to go to running club and I take him.  She has a dr's appt, I watch her kids.  She needs me to come and help her hang pictures on her wall (even though she has perfectly capable husband at home) and I am over there with my drill and level.  She is sad and negative about Alaska, I take her somewhere and show her something she may like.  To get her out of a funk.  I need ONE thing and she can't do it.  She's a taker.  If it would have been me taking her kids,  I would have been up at 8 and making breakfast for everyone.  I don't ask for that, but I do ask for a bit of dependability.  I think I am no longer going to have her watch Kayleigh on preschool mornings.  I don't know.   I feel like if I can't depend on her for one small favor, I can't depend on her for much.

After many tears and a horrible beginning to the morning, the kids and I went out to play.  There was an event on base today called "America's Day for Kids to Play".  So I took the kids.  It was fun.  They had a lot of activities for us to do all over base.  Some of which we didn't have a chance to get to.  But the one's we did were fun.


They rode ponies...

























pet reindeer...

got their faces painted...

They jumped in a bouncy house, had hot dogs for lunch and watched a magician.

Then we headed over to the Arts and Crafts center where the kids painted.  Kayleigh and I made one for Nate for a Christmas present and Spencer made one that he doesn't want to send to his daddy.  It's a leaf.  He wanted it to remind him of trees or something like that. 

While we were at the Arts and Crafts Center Spencer got a drink from the drinking fountain.  Him, being a four year old boy got water ALL over his face.  He wiped it off with his hand and looked down and saw all his face paint on his had.  He was devastated that he ruined his Spiderman face!  He started crying, which ruined it more. 

It took me forever to calm him down and get him over it.  But once I did we went bowling.  It was fun.  Spencer won. He got a 97, I got a 95 and Kayleigh got a 93.  There were a lot of families there and it made me sad and miss Nate.  I think the time since mid-tour has been harder and more emotional than the first six months.


Bowling reminded me of the first Hearts Apart event that I went to back in February.  How I saw all the other wives just trying to make it through the day.  Just trying to get to that next hour, minute, second without losing it.  And I wonder if I went to another event would that wife whose husband just left view me the way I saw those women.  Frazzled and stressed?  Or would they look at me and see me handling it well?  I wonder where I stand.  I won't say I haven't had some HORRIBLE days.  But I'm here.  Both kids (and the dog) are alive and well.  We still have a long way to go, but I've made if farther than I ever thought I could.