Today was the worst birthday I've ever had, hands down! I was supposed to run a 5k, but Kayleigh was acting so horrible toward me that I could not let her go to Talisa's house and reward her bad behaviour. Then later, once she straightened up Spencer told me he hates me, I'm a stupid mommy and he doesn't want to be in our family. Yep, Happy Birthday to me.
I really wanted to run in that race. I wanted to start this new year off on a positive note. Showing myself that I am strong and can do anything. And doing something for myself, for once. Instead I feel sad. I feel like a parent who has no control over her children. And I feel like I don't know what I am going to do. They were so great while Nate was here. When it got to a few days before he left they started to act up. And now everything is right back where it was before he came home. And I don't know how to deal with it. I know they are testing me. And I am failing. Failing big time. Not exactly how I wanted to start a new year, in failure.
On a positive note, Nate had some beautiful flowers sent to me. Usually I hate it when he spends a lot on flowers, it seems a waste. I'm happy with a grocery store bouquet every couple of months (which he used to do, but slacked off of). But with him being so far away every little thing he sends is so special. And reminds me that he loves me and wishes he were here.
Please don't ever forget that I always want to be there with you. I know we have had our rough spots, but even through those I have always wanted to be there with you. I apologize for you having such an awful birthday. I tried to make it special and as good as I could, but I feel that I have failed you and I'm very sorry for that. I wish the kids would have acted better and you could have ran your 5k. I know you have been looking forward to that run for a while now. Please don't think you are doing a bad job of being a good mom. You know they are testing you and your limits. Don't slack off. I realize that it's hard and very demoralizing, especially when they tell you they hate you, but stay tough. Get more strict if you have too, but please don't back down. They might be giving you hell, but you gotta give them more hell.
ReplyDeleteMy day sucked. I really didn't do a thing. My team went to three buildings today. Three buildings... really? We had to work on Sunday for three freakin buildings? It's bullshit and whoever planned this whole thing apparently has never planned a 100% in there entire career. Oh well, it's done accept the recounts.
Well Babe, I'm glad you like the flowers and that they were almost your saving grace today, but I will let you go and talk with you in the morning. I Love You!!!