I am in a really bad mood today. I mean bad. So bad, I was a complete bitch to my husband. Sorry babe :(
So we go to the Oasis and we don't even get inside and Kayleigh pukes in the bushes. I guess working out was not in the cards for me today. So we turn around and come back home.
I was selling some stuff that we don't use. And one of the people who was supposed to buy the kids play house got lost and called. Stupid Army lady tried to argue with me and tell me that my house was on Ft Richardson and I didn't really live on Elmendorf. Are you kidding me? My husband is in the friggin Air Force. All my neighbors are Air Force. We got our house from Aurora Housing who, at the time, only deals with Air Force. My zip code is Elmendorf Air Force Base. I LIVE ON ELMENDORF!
After that monstrosity, I was really pissy. We went to the commissary. I got food. Produce here sucks! I really did not want to go all over town to find good vegetables. We come home. I'm still pissy. The kids play in the slip and slide with the neighbors. It was HOT today. They had a lot of fun. I sat there, pissy.
We go to gymnastics. Kayleigh does her stupid fake fall, attention seeking bull shit. And it drives me crazy. I did take some cool pictures of her doing round offs. It wasn't what I wanted. I wanted one like I took of Caden dancing at the Summer Solstice Festival. But I like the progression anyway.
Then we get home and I go in the back yard to put the lawn mower away. And I find my container of butter in the grass. And it has ovbiously been liked. Actually it looks like the ice cream on a damn ice cream cone. And it was the real shit too. The twice as expensive as fake stuff, real butter. I swear that bitch is this close ---> <--- to me letting her go in the back of base for the bears to eat.
Before anyone says anything, yes I use real butter. I do have margarine. I only use it if I am baking and need a TON. But I don't like the fake shit. Real butter tastes better. And yes I am trying to lose weight and eat real butter. I also use real maple syrup. Why you may ask? Because I think that diet food bull shit is just that, bull shit. Real food, made of real things, while it may have more calories, is better than you. It doesn't have a bunch of preservatives. It is good for our bodies. It comes from the earth, not a lab. And I usually use less of the real stuff. For a few reasons. That shit is expensive and I am cheap. Also it tastes so good you only need a little, but you still get the taste. You won't find any splenda fake sugar bull shit here. I don't do pre-packaged frozen meals (I do have some chicken nuggets for the kids :( I hate it, but I do). I have real cuts of meat and whole real vegetables in my freezer. I don't really do canned foods. I think the only canned foods I have are peanut butter (real all natural, peanuts and salt only peanut butter), jelly, tomatoes, beans and tuna. Most canned foods have so much crap in it. Many people like to eat all that processed stuff. That's their thing. I don't like to. I'm not perfect. We do have dried cereal and a few other processed things that I would really like to break away from. But I guess my point is I like REAL FOOD. I think real food is better for me. And I will eat real food. The other point is my stupid dog ate MY food! I hate her!
Another thing. Lately I feel like I've been surrounded by fucking toppers. I start doing something, or talk about something that I am going to do and they all of a sudden do it longer/faster/better/harder/easier/more. And it is really starting to irritate me today too. What the fuck is wrong with people? Why can't they just be happy for someone and quit trying to be better than you. Does copying people and bragging about how much better they are really make you feel better about yourself. Hmmm, it's a thought. Maybe I should try it!
OK, sorry. That vent is over. I just needed to get that out today! I don't feel better. But at least it's out. And I won't freak out on anyone!
Today, I was looking at myself in the mirror. I am happy where I am. I think I am thin enough. I do not want to get any thinner. I think if I do, I will lose ass and what little boobage I have. So, as hard as this is for me to say, I am done trying to lose weight. I am happy. I think I look good. It is a huge relief to be able to say that. Always having negative thoughts about yourself is hard. It's harder to think that you are good enough. That you are just fine the way you are. But I believe I have come to that point. I think a lot of this comes from Nate being here this weekend. It really does me good to have him around. He really builds my confidence and makes me feel good about myself. He is constantly complimenting me and telling me how hot I am. I need constant validation and he definitely feeds that part of me.
With all that being said, I would still like to build a little more muscle and lose a little more fat.
Hey Babe, I figured you were having a bad day. I didn't realize how bad of a day you were having until I read your blog. I'm realy sorry about your day. I had a great idea for a date this weekend. Rock Climbing. We had so much fun doing it last time that I wanted to do it again. We motivated each other and complimented each other the whole time. We spotted each other and it built more trust in one another. So that was my thought for a date. I printed off my itinerary for this weekend. I can't wait to see you again. Today was an easy day. Not an early day, but an easy day. It was also really beautiful up here. I even got to see Denali. It looked really small from here, but I got to see it. That's how nice of a day it was. Oh, your video of Kayleigh on the bar confused me at first because it was sideways. Once I realized it, it made more since. It looked like Kayleigh was getting stuck on the top of the bar and then doing some crazy thing to get over the bar. So it was weird the first time. Anyways, that is all I have right now. I Love You!!!
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