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Today was a much better day, that's for sure!  After talking to Amber yesterday, I had a whole new view on things.  She made me realize that what I have been feeling is normal.  I'm not a bad mom, even though I really feel like it.  She also shared with me something I thought I was the only one who felt it.  I'm not going to air her stuff out all over the internet (no matter how "private" my blog is set).  But it made me feel better that I am not the only one to have the feelings I have been having.

I'll air my shit out though, since it is my blog.  I resent Spencer.  There I said it.  I thought it would be Kayleigh giving me the hard time.  I can deal with her.  I can reason with her.  She is dramatic and VERY hard on herself, but she is manageable.  But he is so difficult.  Sometimes I really hate him.  I know no mother should say that, but it's how I feel.  He is not the same sweet little boy he used to be.  He's angry now.  He has a horrible temper and a short fuse (he received one ea of those qualities from his parents, the worst of both of us to make for a difficult child).  There's no controlling it and no knowing what will set him off.  That makes it all the harder. 

I have been feeling lately that I never should have gotten out of the Air Force.  I was a much better Airman than I am a SAHM.  I sometimes wish they were both in daycare full time and I only had to deal with them for a couple hours a day.  I was a better mother when I was away from them.  I am starting to see that I am not cut out for this.  It took four years, but now I see.  I can't go back now, so all I can do is move forward and do my best.  It's not perfect, but it's the best I can do.

Spencer and me in our awesome 3D glasses

Besides those realizations, today was great.  Kayleigh's gymnastics got canceled.  Boo.  But it did allow for an impromptu date with Amber and the kids.  We went to the Bear Tooth and saw a movie, Rio.  It was a cute movie.  Definitely worth the $15 to get in.  But the best thing about the place is that they have tables inside the theater and you can sit there and eat your dinner!  AWESOME!  We ordered WAY too much food and ate ourselves sick.  But it was fun.  And a learning experience.  First thing I learned, reserve seats!  If you do you get an awesome little booth.  Second, if you get soda get a pitcher!  At $3.50 per soda a pitcher, as long as it wasn't $20 is a much better deal!  Next a half gallon to go jug of bear is only $12!  You have to buy the glass jug it comes in ($7), but after the first buy you don't have to buy anymore because you just trade it in.  All in all, it's pretty awesome!

On the way there, I led and took us straight into traffic.  

Stupid traffic.  We all know I'm not patient enough for this crap!

The way I originally wanted to go was closed for construction.  I swear, I am either going out the Government Hill Gate from now on, taking 15th or Boniface to Tudor.  Because I HATE Gambell.  It does make me feel a little more at home now that I am learning the traffic patterns and figuring out ways around it.  Almost like I belong here :)

After the movie, I turned the wrong way out of the theater.  I wouldn't say I got lost.  Besides taking wrong turns on illogically planned streets, I have a pretty good sense of direction.  I can usually find my way back home from anywhere.  I just head a direction I know I need to go and wait until I see a landmark I recognize and go with it.  Well coming down Minnesota there is a lagoon on both sides and a park I always see, but could never figure out how to get to.  We accidentally found out tonight.  So I had to stop and we walked around.

We got out of the car and the kids bee-lined it to the water.  There were baby ducks.  I LOVE ducklings!  Always have and always will.   I think it was the first time Spencer ever saw them, that he would remember.  Arizona isn't exactly a duck friendly place.  Seeing how there's no water and all.

We decided to follow the trail that leads from where we were on Campbell Creek Trail to the Coastal Trail.  I got a little nervous a few times.  We walked right through a Frisbee Golf course.  Did you know that it's a big thing to drink lots of beer and play Frisbee golf?  Yeah, I didn't know.  And some drunk guys were following us.  I made the kids walk real fast and catch up to another family on the trail, just in case.  I really think I need to invest in a small can of mace.  That would make me feel a little better.  I don't know how effective it is, but it would give me a little sense of security.

Anyway, along the trail I found my dream house.  I am convinced that we need to become gajillionaires and buy this place!  It is beautiful.  Yes I took a picture of a strangers house!

It is right on the trail and backs the lagoon!  How amazing!  All they need is a hot tub and I'm sold!  Oh and a shower with two shower heads ;)

Along the trail I found a couple of spots for an impromptu photo session with each of the kids. Here is the pictures I took of each of them individually.

Along the path we also found some other intersting things.  There sculptures were in someone's back yard.

Barley see them from the path, but it was pretty obvious that they put them there for people on the path to see.  The kids felt like they were peeking into a secret garden of sorts.  I loved that walk.  I loved that it was so easy.  It is so accessible. It's right in the middle of town.  There was so much for the kids to see.  It really helps keep their minds off about how long they've been walking.  Like I said before, I really think they need a goal or something interesting to find when hiking/walking to keep the complaining down.  I wish they were food motivated, but they are not.  They would rather find cool things or accomplish something.  Which I guess is better than being food motivated, it just makes things a little harder.

The walk ended up being around two miles and the kids did GREAT!  They actually wanted to go further, but it was already 2015, so we headed back and came home.

All in all it was a great day! And I NEEDED a great day!