264/365

Today there was a trick or treat thing at the hospital.  So I dressed up the kids and we went.  I expected to get there, walk in the hospital and get out.  Well that was not the case.  I didn't bring jackets because I didn't want to cart them around and I didn't expect to stand outside.  I thought the whole point was to give the kids a chance to Trick or Treat inside in the warmth.  Well I was wrong.  When we got there the line to get into the hospital went from the front door almost all the way back to the main road!  It was INSANE!  So we waited outside for 45 minutes just to get in.  It was CRAZY!!!!  I couldn't believe it.  So I learned a few lessons for next year.  #1 bring a jacket!  #2 go late.  When we were walking out there were still people going in, but there wasn't a line.  Other than the craziness it was fun.  The kids dressed up.  And I took some pictures.

before we left

Killing time while

we waited in line

This lady loved Spencer and wanted a picture with him!

When we got home things took a turn for the worse, again.  The kids immediately started fighting.  Spencer was HORRIBLE before we left.  He's back to how he was a few months before Nate came home for midtour.  REALLY angry.  Always yelling at me.  Spitting at me.  Calling me stupid.  Seriously I've taken to smacking his mouth.  I'm not an advocate for physical punishment, but I've done EVERYTHING else.  It doesn't help.  Nothing does.  Nate can talk to him and he'll be fine until he gets off Skype, then its back.  He'll say he's sorry, but then do it again five minutes later.  I'm so at the end of my rope with him.  I almost took trick or treating away, but couldn't because I didn't want to listen to him complain while Kayleigh got to do it (yes I am that weak) and I really want to be able to give them something to look forward to beside Nate coming home.  I kinda want to get their mind off that end prize because I feel like they obsess over it, I know I do!

Anyway, Nate went on the DMZ tour today.  So I only got to talk to him for 30 minutes.  Which is fine. I really want him to get out and do some things.  I want him to experience Korea.  As much as I hate that he gets to see the world without me (while I'm here being treated like crap from unappreciative brats), I know he needs things to look forward to until the end of this tour.  He needs to do stuff.  How lame would it be if he spent a year in Korea and only went to Seoul for the airport and never made it to the DMZ?  It's like going to England without going to London.  Or coming to Alaska without visiting Denali.  It's asinine.  But I will admit I am jealous.  I am the adventurous one and I have to stay here.  I will never see the things he gets to see.  I always imagined we would experience the world together and he gets to do stuff without me.  I can't really put into words how it feels to be the one left behind.  I know that he will  never understand.  But I've been on both ends and I would 100% rather be the one leaving.  It is so much easier.  You get to be selfish and you get to do great things without worrying about every little detail.  You pack all you will need in a backpack and go (oh how I miss those days).  You don't have to worry about entertainment, nap time, fights, dinner, baths none of that.  I just hate being left out.  Even when he was in Fairbanks, I still felt left out.  He got to do so much more by himself than we did while we were there.  I don't even know why I am writing this, it will probably cause a fight because I know he hates it when I say he has it better than I do.  But he does.  And I should get it out so it doesn't become a big issue.  So there it is.  That is all.  You may now continue your regularly scheduled programming!